Hope and Expectation

There's nothing wrong with hope and expectation, really. They are inherently stored in our default system. The problem is that the process of hoping and expecting is both excruciating and tiring. So if you can't stand hoping and expecting, don't. Save your energy for things you can have, already have and those you take for granted.

However, there's a catch to it. Once you've given up hope and stop expecting you will lead a dull and uninteresting life. Your life will be uneventful because you also stop taking risks. There will be no surprises. The good news is you have less chance of getting hurt.

So if you think you will be able to grit your teeth and endure the pain everytime your expectation fails to materialize, go for it. Nurture your hope and build up your expectation. But if you think the pain is not worth all the while, stop hoping and expecting and welcome to a dull but depression-free life.

Maybe

Maybe I should pierce every possible part of my anatomy,
and then dye my hair with every possible color known to man,
and then tattoo whatever part still left exposed from the piercings,
and grow my hair long,
and get drunk,
and then get stoned,
and clobber people,
and get clobbered,
and hang my self from the ceiling,
or better yet crucify my self,
and have somebody burn my cross,
or maybe i should learn to love sincerely, without agenda,
and learn how to behave properly when someone loves me in return,
and devote my self to religion,
and detach my self from all worldly affairs,
and then maybe..just maybe, i will know what i really want.

Kindergarten Teachers

When a friend asked me which female with what occupation that i want to marry the most, i would answer 'a kindergarten teacher'. Well, i have to admit that it's not as kinky as nurses, secreatries, or, even better, flight attendants, but I have my own reasons.

Aside from the common assumptions that kindergarten teachers are good with kids, unbelievably patient(you have to be when your job involves 20 or more hollering little imps), and caring, the best reason for marrying a kindergarten teacher is that you get the opportunity to sit down next to one of her students and whisper to him,"Man, you won't BELIEVE what your teacher did to me last night!".

That Sleepy Smile Of Hers

It's 5 o'clock in the morning. Why was i already up at this odd hour? The answer, my dear friend, is because i was staying at my future in law's house. You don't really want to wake up at 9 if you're in my position, right? As i make my way to the bathroom i noticed that my fiancee's door was half open. After throwing caution to all wind direction i risked a peek in.

There she was. Still asleep. Curled up under the blanket, only her head was visible. You know i was always firm in my conviction that women look much, much better without make up and there i was looking at one more evidence. The worry-less expression, the messed hair. I've seen her in various shade of lipstick and other war paints, but nothing came even close to this. Cute as a teddy bear and innocent as kindergarten kids.

Then she woke up. Upon realizing i was at the door, she gave me a sleepy smile. Eyes half shut as the corners of her mouth curved slightly upward.

The impact on me was what can only be desribed as a rush of sugar to the head. I was suddenly overwhelmed by the sweetness of the moment. Only with a biblical scale of self control was i able to restrain my self from jumping in next to her and, well, express my self.

A Rainy Saturday

I wake up at 9 to the light drumming of rain against my corrugated tin roof. Oh my..good morning, Jakarta! A rainy day, eh? Correct that, a rainy SATURDAY! The day my Jakarta slows down a couple of beats. Nothing to worry about. Just cave in my snug cardboard-walled room, snuggle in my ever-so-comfy matress, and watch that heap of date-movies I bought previous week.

Checked the cellphones; two messages. One from my girlfriend, nope, fiance..heheh. It's funny how in nine out of ten messages she always includes 'udah maem blom?'. I guess she cares about my feeding habit more than I do. Second message..my boss. Uh-oh. This can't be good.

Yep, now i'm walking to my office. Unbelievable, gotta work overtime on a cloudy saturday and i'm already an hour late. So much for my lazy day. Crossing the Pejambon street to Borobudur. Relax, man. At least it has stopped raining.

You know that life has such a poor sense of irony. I hardly finished thinking about the word 'raining' when it actually rains. Heavily. I take out my umbrella but my Rp. 10.000,- umbrella i bought from a street vendor is defenseless against heaven's fierce onslaught. Within minutes i'm drenched from thigh down. And this poor excuse for an umbrella is leaking too. I should've gone for that Rp. 25.000,- but sturdier and larger one. I shouldn't have cared that it only came in electrifying pink and horribly screaming yellow. My backpack is already wet.

Office is a large room in the 8th floor of PAIK building. 300 meters to go. You can make it, man. Think about when all this is over and you're back in your room. Oh yeah, i forgot that to get there i have to wade accross ankle-deep pool of water. This is just getting better and better.

Man, did i tell you how i hate rain?

The Vow

Years ago, lonely and desperate,
I made a pact with God.
"Show me a woman who has even the tiniest crush on me,
and i will give her my all"
And then you walked in,
and i will keep my end of the bargain.

Jantung Nitor

Awan-awan bali kuliah pas lagi mlaku nang wetane nggone Yu Suyar ndilalah inyong nemu jantung. Jan-jane tah wis pirang-pirang dina inyong nggatekna kawit esih gemantung anangaring wit gedang."Ketone enak temen kae jantung", mbatine inyong. Eh pancen dhasare jodho, dina kuwe si jantung wis nlesep nang pagere embuh sapa.

Gandheng ora nana sapa-sapa tur ya enyong wis kencot banget, jantung kuwe banjur tek titor. Diarani nggragas ya emen. Terus enyong mampir maring warunge Yu Suyar, tuku bawang-brambang telungatus, lombok abang limangatus, kemiri rongatus (mung netuk rong blindhi, jan larang banget!), ampas kelapa limangatus, karo tempe limang iji.

Tekan ngumah ora nana sapa-sapa. Niliki sega esih ana, mau esuk berarti ana sing adang. Ya uwis, tek olah dhewek. Ganti klambi sedhela terus ngonceti jantung. Ketone tah gedhe ning nek kulit sing abang-abang wis diguwangi paling kari sekepel. Bar dionceti terus diparo terus digodog. karo ngenteni mateng inyong nggawe bumbune. Bawang brambang karo lombok diuleg, ditambahi kemiri terus diuyaih. Kabeh mau diuleg nganti alus.

Jantung sing wis mateng banjur dirajang-rajang. Tumpangna wajan anangaring kompor terus dilengani sethithik. Lenga wis panas bumbu dilebokna, dioasrang-asreng sedhela terus rajangan jantung dilebokna. Jan ambune enak temenan. Bareng ketone wis kalis disanteni. Wis kaya kuwe, kari ngenteni mateng.

Jangane jantung mateng, inyong banjur nggoreng tempe karo nyambel trasi.

Eh ya ndilalah inyong krungu ana swara montor teka. lha kiye..jurig-jurige pada teka. Eh temenan, adhi-adhiku pada bali. "Masak apa rika, Lik? Ambune tekan njaba" sing siji moni. "Wah ora kaya kakange enyong" ujare sing sijine maning bareng wis ndeleng ana jangan karo tempe. Loro-lorone banjur njokot piring. "Anu apa kuwe" sing ragil takon karo ngudek jangan. "Jantung", semaurku" anu nitor neng wetane Yu Suyar".

Bareng ngerti nek jantung kuwe olih nitor, ora nana sing gelem. Ya uwis, tek pangan dewek.