Stepping Into The Void

It’s like for one moment you have this ground underneath your feet and the next moment it’s just not there. Wave after wave of unidentified feelings overwhelm and sweep you by, sending you rolling down the emotional turbulence.

It’s like when you miscalculate your jump to a swimming pool. The chattering noise of the rest of the world is suddenly replaced by the gurgling of breaking water. Amidst the swirling bubbles you can see the blue tiles of the bottom. For a moment there you are lost. You don’t know whether you should stay submerged and gulp water or break to the surface and inhale air.

This perplexity is an uncharted territory to you. And you start having doubt of what happened. What were cherished moments become hazy blurs of speeding cars in the freeway. You question what was said, what you heard, what you felt, what you remembered, what sent you to cloud nine, and what brought you crashing down.

You can’t put a finger to what it was. What made you stay wide awake long after farewells had been exchanged. What got you up early in the mornings after. What made you smile all the way to the office—and, in most cases, throughout the day. What made you jump at the sound of alert tone. Somehow they are all receding into the background.

Then you look at the bruises and cuts. Whatever it was, it had happened. It had happened to you.

The Picture and the Nail*

It's not easy. It's never easy. Taking the picture off your wall. The picture you are used to. The first thing you see when you walk in. The last thing you see when you close the door.

And you will remember how confused you were the first time you had it in your hands. Where should you put it? Above the fireplace, so that even when the fire was out you could still seek warmth by looking at it? Or by the window? Or in the hallway? And then naturally you just took a hammer and a nail. And a few cheerful poundings later later it's there. For you to see, look, gaze, admire, adore, and take comfort in.

Little did you realize that when the time comes to take it off the wall, you will also have to pull the nail out. You just can't use it to hang another picture. And the nail would leave a bigger hole. And your wall will never be the same again.

It's not easy. It's never easy. But it's not impossible.



* a credit to marianne for the inspiration